


La Storia

by xanster



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanster/pseuds/xanster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shim Changmin meets a stranger while on exchange in Italy. A stranger that convinces him to take a leap of faith. In turn, Changmin teaches the man about the long and arduous path to liberty and romance. Love is indeed, a multi-splendoured thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired, obviously, by Ti Amo. Picture and video credits as stated. This was my first ever fanfic series, and was first posted on homin-yongwonhi. All chapters were unbeta-ed. This is a flight of fantasy; enjoy it as it is. All comments are appreciated :) Finally posting on A03 as part of my eventual move here. First published in 2014 on xanster.livejournal. Please read the LJ posts for video links.
> 
> Happy Homin Day to my favouritest duo :)  
> Happy Homin Middle Birthday <3

Shim Changmin is an exchange student in Rome. After a month here, he has sort of a routine. Every Saturday, he cycles to the piazza to sit and read. Today is different. Along the way he meets a lost traveller. Asian, just like him. Tall and tanned. Standing next to the fountain, staring at a map.

'Can i help you?' He asks, surprising even himself. The stranger looks up. Wow, Changmin thinks. He's handsome. A beanie is balanced carefully on his head and glasses perched on his nose. Stranger smiles. 'Yes. I'm looking for the market.' 'Let me take you there. You seem lost.' Changmin offers. He shifts forward on the bicycle to let the stranger hop on. He turns and looks at him. 'Come on, i promise i won't kidnap you.'

Stranger grins. Shoving his map into his bag, he hops on. 'Maybe you should.'

Changmin freezes, a blush crossing his face. What are the chances of this happening to him. Was Stranger flirting? He feels a pair of sturdy hands settle on his hips. Holding tight. 'Hang on. I'm going.' A warm breath gusts along his nape as a solid presence settles itself against his back. suddenly the cotton shirt he's wearing seems a little too thick. He cycles on, carefully. His mind is a whirl of thoughts. Stranger chuckles, like he can hear it all.

  
As they reach the market which suddenly seems too close. Changmin stops and Stranger loosens his grip. Changmin feels a tang at the loss. 'Hey,' Stranger whispers. 'Thanks for doing this. Listen, I owe you. Let me buy you coffee?'. Changmin thinks about the day he had planned. A day in the sun by the fountain. A book by his side. Coffee, yes. But companion, no. Company would be welcome. Especially if it's Stranger-like.

He brightens up, as courage escapes his lips. His eyes crinkle in a mismatched way. 'Sure. Let's go. I know a place.'

He brings Stranger to his favourite place. It serves good pasta, pizza and wine for a student's price. It would serve their purpose just nice. 'Un caffe con leche' stranger speaks. Changmin feels his heart stop. A month in Italy and yet, this is the first he's heard it sound so sexy. 'Et un succo di fragola per favore.' He finishes. Changmin looks up, surprised. 'You're not having coffee but strawberry juice?' Stranger laughs, he recognises that look. 'I don't really like coffee. I prefer strawberries.' He explains.

'Why?' Changmin can't wrap his mind around it. For the first time since meeting Stranger that day, he feels himself judging the man. 'You're in Rome. Bello il caffe. Renowned coffee capital. It's practically a crime to not like coffee here.' He exclaims. Stranger laughs. 'Well then. What are you gonna do about it? Arrest me?' His eyebrow quirks mischievously. Changmin doesn't bite the bait. Two can play this game. He leans forward and grins. 'No. But allow me to enlighten you.'.

The drinks arrive. A heart engraved in his foam. A small biscotti on his saucer. Stranger lifts his juice to Changmin. 'Here. To meeting strangers and new encounters'. Changmin lifts his coffee cup in exchange. 'To meeting strangers and creating stories.' He winks.

They talk for the rest of the afternoon. Changmin's book lies forgotten in his bag. Two drinks each have been downed by then. Stranger smiles at Changmin and lifts his hand. In the middle of a joke, Changmin stops, wondering. A thumb brushes across his lips. 'Sorry, you had crumbs.' Stranger slowly retracts his hand. A look is shared, a glance turns long. Changmin gulps. Then Stranger points towards the canal. 'Let's go for a ride. I've never been. I heard it's worth the try.'

Changmin shakes his head, amused. He looks like sin and yet he's such a kid. 'You sure?' He asks. 'You might want to save it for someone..else.' The last word comes out with difficulty. Changmin swallows. He doesn't quite understand why. Stranger throws a look at him before pulling him up. 'No. There's no one else i'd rather go with.' Changmin isn't sure he heard it quite right. He's sure he feels his ears are flushing bright.

They board the gondola, slow and steady. The gondolier bursts into a slow song, lamenting love's loss. Changmin shivers as the evening breeze blows by. He feels a hand cover his under the blanket. 'So what's your story, Changmin ah?' Stranger asks.

'I don't know what you mean' he replies. The feel of the hand is disturbing his common sense. Stranger lifts his hand and holds Changmin's chin, turning him towards himself. 'A strange land, a foreign place. What is this freedom that you speak of? Have you found it yet?' Changmin shakes his head. 'I don't understand.' Stranger continues 'you came here to study photography, to find yourself - la via della liberta - the path to freedom. Have you found it yet? Have you found love?'

Changmin exhales, unsure. 'No not yet. I don't know.' Stranger continues 'La via della liberta. Freedom is love and love is freedom. Let yourself go, Changmin ah. La via del romanzo. Let yourself go down the path of romance.'

Changmin whispers in return, feeling Stranger's almond-shaped eyes almost searing through his soul. He is so close, he can almost feel the other's heart echo. 'But.. But i don't even know your name.'

Stranger leans in, lips grazing Changmin's own. 'My name is Yunho, Changmin ah. Jung Yunho. Let me take you down la via del romanzo. Let me write la nostra storia with you.'

\- continues with '[Untitled](http://xanster.livejournal.com/3310.html)'-


	2. Chapter 2

They break apart for air. Changmin is gasping; partly breathless, partly shocked. He hadn't imagined this, not in a million years. Yunho seems taken aback too, like maybe he had taken a leap of faith. But that hesitancy disappears in a flash. He looks at Changmin.

'Hey.' He whispers. Voice like silk, calming. 'You alright?' He asks. Changmin nods. Lips reddened. The kiss had been long, deep, intense. The sound of someone clearing his throat behind them surprises Changmin. He looks up to see the gondolier smiling back down. Embarrassed, he backs away quickly. Yunho laughs, understanding. 'You're cute.'

The gondola has come to a stop at the pier. He leans back and pays the gondolier. 'Keep the change,' he adds, winking. The gondolier returns it with a grin. 'Enjoy your night, sir. 'Yunho who has clambered onto the pier, pulls Changmin up. He gives the gondolier a knowing look, 'Oh yes, yes I will.' Changmin's eyes widen. He elbows Yunho in embarrassment. 'What.. '

Yunho drowns the rest of the sentence in a kiss. Pulling Changmin into an embrace, he sighs. With the backdrop of Rome's glittering night sky behind Yunho, all Changmin can see are stars. The pair of almond eyes belonging to the head that is leaning against his now; the way the dark brown locks of the other are caressing his. Yunho feels Changmin's breath linger against his lips. The flush that colours the other's cheeks, the way his arms drape around his waist.

Yunho exhales softly, he can't believe the vision in his arms. Eyes filled with adoration & an underlying current of something else. Suddenly, he feels stirrings of something deeper down. The two are standing way too close, hips sandwiched together, arms drawn close. Their breathing speeds up and Yunho crashes their mouths together again, open & tongues out. His hands fall to the curve of Changmin's ass. It's all Yunho can do to try and resist the tightness in his jeans. Changmin is feeling the same, both are groping each other now. Eyes closed, tongue deep in, Changmin's hands pull at the back of Yunho's shirt, trying to touch his bare skin. Yunho pulls away just as Changmin dips a hand into the back of his jeans. 'Stop, I'm pretty sure people are staring.'

Grunting in complaint, Changmin bends and nuzzles his face into the crook of Yunho's neck. 'I want you.' He breathes out. Yunho smiles. 'Show me,' he says, voice low. He finally pulls himself away from Changmin and walks backward into the crowd. He turns and crooks a finger. 'If you want me, come and get me.' And he disappears, into the sea of people who have gathered to enjoy the nighttime Roman air.

Changmin feels the pang at the loss; both in his chest and in his crotch. All he can see is the back of Yunho's head, baiting him. He runs after the figure. The leather jacket. The black jeans that go on for miles and end in white high-top sneakers. Yunho moves fast but Changmin refuses to lose. Up and down the pathways, round and about the alleyways. Changmin runs. Where the hell is Yunho.

As he comes into a courtyard, he doesn't see any sign of the man. Has he lost in the end? He bends over, hands on knees, panting. All of a sudden, he's grabbed from the back, hands locked behind him. 'Yes exactly like that, baby. Just like that.' A familiar voice growls just next to his ear. And then a sting as teeth mark his neck. And silence as the figure disappears.

Fuck! thinks Changmin, harder than ever. He turns and follows the man into a building and up a floor. A door stands open at the end of the corridor. Dark and inviting. He nears the door, holding his breath. He can feel the other man inside, waiting. The tension is thick, his heart is pounding. He walks in.

The door slams behind him and before he can get his bearings, he's shoved up against the wall. A hot tongue in his mouth. His hips parted. Yunho.

The man's fingers work at the button on his jeans. His lips skim across his jawline and down his neck to his collarbone. Licking. Then a hand envelopes his cock and Changmin's mind whirls. It's all too much. His shirt is unbuttoned now and the other hand works on a nub. Changmin rubs his crotch against Yunho's hungrily. He jumps up and Yunho catches, hooking his legs around his waist. Their mouths intertwine. Finally, Changmin's shirt is off and he wraps his arms around Yunho. Yunho's in a white tank top and his jeans are still irritatingly on.

Yunho backs into the bedroom. He turns and lets Changmin fall onto the bed. His lips catch Changmin's again. Changmin lifts Yunho's tank up. He runs his hands down Yunho's chest, across the planes of his abs, lower. Hovering over him, clad in his black jeans, Yunho looks like sin.

Yunho mouths his way down Changmin's neck, pausing to devour thoroughly a nipple and then the other. A mark above his heart. Lower down he goes. Changmin arches his back, unable to withstand the heat growing inside. His fingers clutch at the sheets. And then his jeans and boxers go off in a sweep and Yunho's mouth engulfs Changmin whole. Sucking, licking. His tongue teasing. He nibbles gently at the tip, tasting the pre-cum that has collected. Changmin groans at the sensations, his legs spread open. Yunho unzips his jeans, needing to loosen the tightness. Seeing Changmin spread open in front of him, he feels a surge of possessiveness. He uses his fingers to wipe up the pre-cum and spreads it over them. Mouth full of Changmin's cock, he looks up at the man writhing above him and rubs Changmin's pink hole slowly, teasingly.

Changmin groans and tries to pull Yunho up. Yunho refuses, his finger inching in. He pushes in and Changmin screams. Both pain and pleasure mixing. Yunho sucks harder, tongue playing with his tip. Changmin can't hold it in. He sees white as he comes and finally Yunho comes up. Changmin smashes his mouth hungrily against Yunho's and pushes his jeans off. Changmin grabs hold of Yunho's cock and murmurs into his mouth. 'Take me.' He gasps. 'I need you in me now'. He grabs Yunho's hand & stuffs his still-wet fingers into his mouth. Covering them with his saliva. Yunho feels his cock throb at the sight. Slowly, as Changmin's tongue curls around his fingers, a drop of saliva lands on his bottom lip. Yunho snaps. He reaches down and searches for Changmin's puckered hole. He jams a finger in, hearing the man gasp in surprise.

Smirking, he pushes another in, scissoring. The intrusion is painful but tinged with heat. Changmin groans into Yunho's mouth. His hands are tangled in Yunho's hair, his legs are spread open wide. Yunho's fingering the fuck out of him. Their cocks tangoing together. Changmin shudders as he feels his climax build. His pre-cum is leaking everywhere. Yunho reaches down and takes his cock in his mouth. He looks up under hooded eyes. Changmin shudders at the sight and comes into Yunho's mouth. His cheeks hallow in and out as he swallows. Yunho sits up and smiles, licking the remnants of Changmin off his lips. His own cock is standing proud. Changmin is turned on again. He leans forward to blow Yunho but is immediately flipped onto his stomach. 'Who said I was done?', he growls.

Yunho scoops up his own pre-cum and sweeps it over his cock. Changmin is hard and panting, on his knees. Yunho lines his cock up with his hole. As he reaches down to grab Changmin's cock with his hand, he pushes in without warning. Changmin lets out a cry as he sucks Yunho in. Slap goes skin against skin, as Yunho thrusts in and out. Changmin's knees almost buckle but Yunho holds him up. He feels like weeping. He's so turned on and teetering on the edge. Yunho keeps stroking his cock in time with each thrust. His mind can't deal with the multitude of sensations that is running through his body. Yunho bites down on his back, nibbling and sucking. Changmin thinks he can come anytime now. Yunho speeds up his thrusts as they both rock towards their climax. Yunho stops and flips Changmin back over. 'I want to see you, baby.'

Changmin opens his eyes. Yunho's never looked so good before. He's drenched with sweat and his muscles are all tensed and protruding. He wants this man even though they'd just met. He thinks he could want this man forever. In him, beside him. With a final thrust, Yunho's hold on Changmin's tightens & he comes hard into him. He groans into his kiss on Changmin's back.

Yunho's mind is blank except for one thing - the man staring up at him. He knows he'd never tire of this man, this face, this body. Changmin comes soon after, too. Then both are breathing hard, collapsed to the side of the bed, curved against each other.

'I don't usually do this - sleep with people on the first date,' says Changmin as his hand covers Yunho's on his chest. Yunho stays quiet, choosing to kiss Changmin's nape instead. He was never one to be serious- he preferred flings instead. But Changmin seemed different; from their day out in conversation, Yunho had felt like a firefly drawn to light. Magnetised.

So what made you change your mind?' He asks softly, stroking Changmin's chest up and down. Changmin turns around to look into Yunho's eyes.

'You. You made me change my mind.' He answers.

Long seconds pass as words unspoken exchange in the air. Of promises and attraction. Of possible love and intense, intense affection. Then Yunho presses his lips against Changmin's, his hand dropping low against his hip. Changmin knows he's falling too fast but he lets his heart tamper down his pangs of insecurity as Yunho moves on top of him again.

'It's too soon to say but this much I know. I don't want to let you go.' Yunho whispers as he leans his forehead against Changmin's. Changmin smiles in response. 'Then don't' he tilts his head up, capturing Yunho's mouth. A hand sinks low and squeezes Yunho's bare ass. He perks up in response and quirks an eyebrow at Changmin. The man is grinning back up with mismatched eyes. 'Cheeky,' says Yunho. 'I know,' Changmin replies. And their bodies rock together again as their hands each grab the other's cock and start another round.

The next morning, Yunho sits up in bed and puts on his shirt. He stares out into the Roman morning and thinks. 'Rome has never been more beautiful,' he says out loud. More beautiful now that he had met Changmin.

Changmin stirs and sits up, leaning against Yunho sleepily. Yunho sighs contentedly. Yes. Never more beautiful indeed.


	3. xanster

He bends over the desk and writes. Then he huffs and draws a line through, cancelling out everything that he had just written. He tries again, and stops. A growl of frustration escapes his mouth and he bangs his heads down onto the emotionless table. A tear threatens to escape. The sound of the city beyond his balcony is like an annoying buzz now. He might be in Rome, the ‘Eternal City’ but right now, nothing seems definite. Fixed.  Lasting. In fact, it feels like the exact opposite.

Yunho had returned back to Korea after an amazing, passion-filled week in Rome. After that night, he had checked out of his hotel and moved right in with Changmin in his little student-sized studio apartment. Changmin had brought him around the city; exploring. Laughing and taking pictures of each other. Shopping. With each day that passed, Changmin had felt himself growing more and more –in like?- with Yunho. Attracted by the handsomeness of the man’s features. They had stopped by a shop in Piazza Castore one day and Yunho had gone into the fitting room with a handful of clothes, wanting to ‘dress like the Italians’. Then the man had stepped out, a cheeky grin on his face, as he pretended to sashay, dressed in an animal-print jumper.

As a photography student, Changmin had seen more than his fair share of good-looking people, especially in Europe. But Jung Yunho had blown him away. ‘Are you like, a model back home or something?’ was Changmin’s only response as his mind tried to keep up with his emotions. Yunho had only chuckled, shaking his head before he returned in. ‘Hyung, buy it!’ Changmin blurted out. He suddenly had this vision of Yunho wearing the jumper as they made love. Made love, damn it. What love? Changmin shook his head at that thought, grimacing.

Yunho did buy it though, complete with a knowing wink as he paid up. Changmin had blushed and kept quiet all the way home. Where they had then made fucking love with an animal-print jumper-wearing-Yunho.

It seemed like that week was like a flashing disco ball; bright and glittery. Colourful. Kaleidoscopic. Changmin dreaded the day when Yunho was due to return to Korea. Changmin himself was not due to return back to Korea until six months later, for Christmas. As the countdown to departure went into single digits, Yunho would hold him close, kissing his temple gently, whispering comfort into his ear.

Comfort. Not promises. No promises of forever, of continuity, of staying in touch. Changmin’s insecurity had increased even as he smiled in bliss. Like a nagging pain, or a darkening patch, it had eaten away  at him until Changmin felt like he had a rotten apple as a heart. But he would not speak of it with Yunho, even though the night before Yunho left, he had tried to get the younger to talk.

‘Changdola,’ Yunho had said, holding onto Changmin’s hands tightly. ‘Are you okay?’

No, Changmin had thought. Not, when I know you leave tomorrow. Not when I don’t know what we are. Not when I can’t call you mine after tomorrow. He had looked up at Yunho’s face, beautiful face, and forced a smile. ‘I’m fine. Have you packed everything?’ Something resembling sadness seemed to flicker across Yunho’s face before he quickly returned it with a smile of his own.

‘No, I’ve packed everything, except for you.’

\---  
It had been a month since.

 For the first few weeks, Changmin’s life had been turned upside down. Seoul, being 7 hours ahead of Rome, meant that he could only talk to Yunho either late at night or early, too early, in the morning. It was easier for him to accommodate Yunho’s schedule as he was a student but Yunho was working. He soon found out that the man was a music producer, and a rather renowned one at that. He worked sketchy hours, depending on the artistes that he was working with, especially in the lead-up to an album release. As such, it was difficult for them to even arrange for a full hour to talk on Skype. They started texting each other more, but Yunho took ages to reply because of work. This led to arguments. Tension.  Apologies. Make-up phone/Skype sex (when they could). And then more arguments. A vicious cycle that had led to disillusionment, sadness.

Maybe more so, on Changmin’s part, he felt.

Yunho was tired. Changmin was tired. Despite that, they tried. They really did. They never gave a name to the relationship that they had. How could they, a young 23-year old photography student based in Rome, Italy; and a prolific 28-year old music producer, based in Seoul, Korea? Changmin had not returned to Korea in years, he had gone overseas after high school to study, first to Japan and then on exchange to Rome, for a year, of which he still had five more months to go. Changmin had talked to some of his high school friends back home who had all heard of ‘U-Know Yunho’, the music producer and his ‘party, high-roller’ lifestyle. With every word he heard, Changmin had felt his heart sink deeper into the ocean of insecurity that he had felt since he met the other near the Trevi Fountain a month back.

_Stars are put up in the sky because they are a reminder that we should always aim for greater heights, while knowing that we will never reach them._

Yunho was his star. But what was he to him? A November fling, most likely. Someone who kept a man company on a well-deserved holiday from work. Someone who was forgotten promptly when that man returned home to glitz and glamour. Maybe there was someone else, or many someone elses waiting. Other Changmins to keep Yunho company.

The arguments had gotten too much. One day, Yunho had stopped replying his texts. Stopped answering his calls. Stopped completely. Changmin took it as the surest thing he had ever known about the other; a confirmation of his pit-stop in the other’s life, the little role that he had played last November.

\---  
Changmin looks down at the wads of scrunched-up paper lying around his desk. Everyday, he tries to convince himself he is better. He goes to school, he works hard on his projects, he meets up with friends. But everyday, too, he returns home, alone. Amidst crowds, amidst friends, he still feels lonely. It was like a break-up, although it really was not, he tells himself firmly. We cannot break up, if we were not together in the first place.

Yet the sentimental side (the foolish, silly side, he adds, sullenly) of him demanded that he resolve it once and for all. So it has led to him sitting here. At his desk. Trying to write a letter that would not let itself be written. To resolve something that probably was not even a ‘thing’ to begin with.

\---  
He just cannot. The pain in his chest thuds loud and clear, as if reminding him that Yunho had meant too much to just ‘write off’.  He tries to put his feelings into words but the holes that his pen nib pokes in the paper, only indicate the depth of his heartbreak.

His eyes land on his Canon camera at the side. When Yunho had been in Rome, he had taken the opportunity to snap as many pictures of them, of him, as he could. The silly him had wanted to develop some and send it to him once a month to Yunho, until they could be reunited when he returned  to Korea for Christmas at the end of the six months. And then something in his head clicks.  
If he could not write, he could tell a story with his pictures. After all, even if things may end, weren't photographs proofs that it had began in the first place?

Quickly, he grabs his camera and bag, and heads off to the film lab at school.

\---  
About 9,023 kilometres away, Yunho sits in the studio for the fourth night in a row. The couch at the side is littered with evidence of his fretful nights spent there. He is known for his work ethic, especially in the lead-up to a release, and his colleagues have long given up trying to convince him to go home and rest properly.

A month ago, he had been the happiest he had ever been in a long time. At a whim, he had booked a ticket to fly 11 hours to Rome, Italy after seeing pictures in a magazine. He had finally gotten two weeks’ off work before TVXQ!, one of his company’s biggest groups, was due to come back. After that, he knew he would be busy all the way until the new year.

Changmin had not known who he was; he had been away from Korea since he was 18, studying in Japan when his father had gotten posted there. He found the anonymity refreshing, and more so, the young student. Changmin gave as good as he got; he teased back, he laughed with, and most of all, he sat by and listened. Yunho was good at socialising but bad at opening up, yet that very day, at a café near the Campo de Fiori market, he had talked for hours with the man.

But Life had taught him all good things must come to an end.

\---  
It was the nature of his job, and therefore his life at this present moment. Apart from work, there was no certainty. He travelled often, seeking inspiration or producing music. He went to parties and social events because that was usually where he could meet up with friends and network. He had not even been home to see his family in months. How could he get into a relationship and promise stability and security, when the closest people in his life, were the artistes and crew that he worked with daily. Furthermore, Changmin was thousands of miles away, too far away. Yunho was realistic. Successful long-distance relationships were not built on foundations of just two weeks.

He had tried. For the first few weeks after he had returned to Seoul, he checked his phone constantly. He kept his phone on Roman time, trying to talk to Changmin as often as he could. But then TVXQ’s schedule neared and it got harder. He had to be in the studio and he could not Skype or use his phone there. He had to attend events with his colleagues and industry-mates and started missing texts and calls from Changmin. Then they started arguing.

Yunho hated himself. He was tired, and he took it out on Changmin. He hated that Changmin was upset. It got too much and so, he did what he always did. He worked. And tried his best to forget about the man that lit up his life, if only briefly, a month ago.

Maybe he was being selfish, but after all, wasn't Changmin just a fleeting affair? People never, hardly ever, fell in love in two weeks. At least, not him. Right?

\---  
A week later-

'Yunho-ssi, A package has arrived for you.'

Yunho looks up from the console where he is trying to figure out some beats. He nods in thanks at the clerk as she places the package on the table in the studio and walks out.

He leans back and stretches, before getting up and walking over to the package.

His eyes widen and he feels his heart plunge as he glimpses the Roman postal stamp on the corner.

_Changmin_

His fingers tremble as he reaches to open the envelope, he swallows a gulp, not knowing what to think. He is grateful that he is alone tonight, he does not think he has the presence of mind to work any longer. Not with this, not with this piece of Changmin in the same room as him. How did Changmin know his work address? Did that mean he found out who he was?

He opens the envelope and pieces of paper fall out onto the ground. Nothing else, no letter.

He bends down and picks up a piece.

And then immediately, a pain so searing, so deep, etches itself across his heart and he gasps in shock.

\---

  
_Do you remember, the day we first met? You asked a stranger to take a picture for us for memories' sake._

  
_After shopping, we sat by the Trevi Fountain and talked. I thought since we were so well-dressed, we should take a picture._

  
_I took this while you slept; in this moment, I thought it didn't matter who you are, I knew your heart and that was enough._

Thank you,  
C.

\---

picture credits to story + yeungsinyi 


	4. xanster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yunho's November with Love is linked in the original post: http://xanster.livejournal.com/3745.html  
> Please listen to it while reading!!

  
Every Saturday, Changmin wakes up, dresses and gets on his bicycle to head to Piazza Castore. In his bag would be his current book of the week and his trusty Canon camera. It is a routine that he had adopted since arriving in Rome nearly a year ago. He spends his time there soaking in the sun and reading his book, maybe snapping a picture or two. After awhile, he heads to his favourite cafe near the Campo de Fiori market for coffee and brunch. It is his weekly routine, albeit for a month or so near the end of last year, where he had been sidelined by a whirlwind.  
  
A whirlwind that came into his life and turned it upside down for two weeks, and awhile after that. A whirlwind called Yunho.It took him awhile to return to his regular weekend routine; the memories associated with that Saturday in November were too painful. But pain fades with time, and Changmin now appreciates the structure and stability that his Saturday routine gives him. A cool wind blows and Changmin tightens the scarf around his neck a bit more. Winter, which would herald the start of the Christmas season and end-of-year festivities. And Korea. Changmin thinks about Korea more than usual nowadays. His parents had returned to Korea earlier in the year, his father having finished his job posting in Japan. It would be his first Christmas in Korea in a long time. He used to associate Christmas with laughter and family. This year, it seemed a little different. A bit of anxiety, a bit of dread. These now mixed in, lurking under the current of wanting to see his family.  
  
No, he did not expect to see Yunho at all. It had been five months since they last had contact. Maybe four since Changmin had told himself to give up. Maybe three since Changmin's pain had dulled into an ache. Maybe two since a day had passed with a thought of Yunho. No, he did not expect to bump into Yunho in a city of over 25.6 million people. Especially not U-Know Yunho, Korea's star music producer who would not remember a two-week affair in Rome that he had a year ago.He has not heard back from the man after he had posted the package. Not even after the usual two-week period it took for air-mail to reach Seoul. Not that he had expected to receive anything, he told himself firmly. That was when it had hit home, hard, like a wrecking ball, shattering his already-cracked heart.  
  
\---  
 _The Five Stages of Grief:_  
  
Denial- Changmin checked his phone often, hoping for even a text message from Yunho. Maybe just a 'thank you'. Anything to show the man had his package. He checked the reviews of Poste Italiano, hoping that the Italian postal system was shitty enough that maybe his package had gotten lost. But he was stupid enough to apply for registered mail. And the slip he received with a _'Consegna Conferma_ ' mocked his anguish openly.  
  
Anger- Changmin knew he had a rule against sleeping with people so fast, yet he had allowed Yunho to be an exception. He deserved this, it was his fault. Silly, foolish him. He had allowed Rome to get to him, affecting his judgement. Shim Changmin knew better than that, and this was what happened. He got burnt. This anger lasted, and it drove him to burn. Burning the leftover pictures that he had of Yunho and him. Burning the memories that he had held close to his blackened heart. So when he moved on, he would know better. Know better than to let his heart lead the way next time.  
  
Bargaining- This was easy. Alcohol let slip his guarded heart and mouth. Loosened his mind and fingers. Nights out with friends usually ended up with pleas to friends, strangers, God and even, even Yunho, for an explanation, a second chance. He did not know what he did wrong, but he had to try and reach out. I'm sorry, he begged. What happened, he asked. Friends would hug him awkwardly, not knowing much about 'that two-week affair', before getting him another round of alcohol to knock him out. Strangers would either grimace in sympathy or unwillingness to listen before trying to edge away. God, well God usually did not answer. Yunho. Yunho answered fewer times than God, which meant he did not at all.  
  
Depression- Three months ago were the darkest days of Changmin's life in Rome. Days and nights in bed, only getting up for the toilet, wine and crackers. School? What school? As an exchange student, the school he was in did not really press on his lack of attendance as long as his grades were fine. Changmin had been lucky that the assessment period was over before he tried to self-destruct. He spent hours searching for news of U-Know Yunho on social media and then railing at the man, hating him with a passion that saw empty wine bottles crash against the opposite wall of his studio, resembling the pieces of his soul. Especially pictures of Yunho, arms around other good-looking men and women. Smiling. Happy. Without him. He was an idiot, because it was just two weeks. But Changmin, who never fell easily, had let himself go. Fucking Rome. Fucking Europe. Fuck romance and fuck love.  
  
Acceptance- That was two months ago. One day, Changmin woke up. It was a Saturday. The sun had seemed brighter than usual. He had noticed a musky smell in his studio and wrinkled his nose. Suddenly, he realised his apartment was in a mess. He frowned, as if he was not sure as to how it had gotten this way. He got up slowly and started cleaning up. Once he was done, he opened his windows wide to let the air in. Then he remembered- his routine. He had not gone for a long time. He headed to the bathroom and then out to where his bicycle was parked.  
  
\---  
Yunho walked for a long time that day. It was getting colder as the year-end approached. TIme passes fast, he thought. It was nearly November. He decides to turn the corner and walk back to where his car is parked. A beanie sits low on his head and sunglasses hide his eyes from the world. His hands, shoved in his jeans' pockets, are loosely-clenched. TVXQ!'s comeback had been a success and with the group off in Japan for their 'Tree' tour, Yunho had had some time to himself. Finally. Although, it was probably too late.He shrugs. It did not matter anymore, anyway. Too much time had passed.  
  
Yunho stops and looks into the window of a shop selling books. His eyes settle upon one that is simple in its design, a white background with the title in black, cursive writing. It is the title that catches his attention: _La Via Del Romanza_.  
  
Immediately, a distant memory, fought hard to bury, flickers to life in the back of his mind.A gondola. Words uttered. Rome. Changmin.The words send a shudder of pain where his heart is. Yunho inhales sharply as he remembers. . His mind tracks back to his apartment in Seoul, its vast space a huge difference from the sunny and cosy studio in a quiet neighbourhood in Rome. There was a reason why he chose to spend nights in his studio rather than return home. The emptiness, claustrophobic; the silence, deafening. Ever since. Ever since he had told himself to let it go. Let Changmin go.  
  
\---

Yunho reaches for the windowpane of the shop, fingers in a gentle caress on the other side of the glass where the book sits.  
  
A million miles away, Changmin drops the last of the biscotti into his mouth and crunches slowly. He recognises the table he is sitting at, as the same one that he had sat at with Yunho a year ago. He remembers the feel of Yunho's thumb as he raised his hand to brush off stray crumbs from his mouth. Changmin reaches up at the thought.

 _At the same time,_  
_As though bound by an thread, across the oceans,_  
Their fingers reach collectively.  
Together, for their shared memories  
  
\---

  
Yunho reads the first page that he sees when he opens the book, nestled in the comfort of his bed.His eyes flicker to the dressing table in the corner of his room. It is there, lying in wait. Where it was placed, buried under random papers and files. It has always been there, just like its intended recipient had meant for it to be- hidden from sight. Hopefully, from mind. With enough time.He gets up from the bed and pads towards the table. His hand grazes over the drawer knob and he looks down, considering. His heart thuds loudly in his chest, and he wonders if he is ready. Ready to see Changmin again. Ready for the onslaught of memories.He pulls open the drawer, grabs the envelope without pause and heads back into bed.The three photos look back at him. As though they are contemplating him.  
  
_Thank you._  
  
Guilt washes over him as he recalls how he took the easy way out. How he easily cut contact and threw himself into work. He knows he is disappointed with himself and the way he chose to escape.He reads Changmin's sign-off again and again. He had broken Changmin's heart, he knows it deep inside. The package had arrived after their last communication. So Changmin had already known it was goodbye. Yet Changmin had thanked him.He closes his eyes in sadness at the knowledge of hurting someone that had meant the world to him, even if just for two weeks. They had shared a studio, a bed, kisses and feelings. Conversation and laughter. Precious. But shattered now. And Yunho had run. Run as fast as he could, away from Changmin and the possibility of love. Knowing that his life as U-Know Yunho could not fit Changmin in. Hoping to leave him behind as a closed chapter in his life, his past. Wanting to let him go, to find happiness with someone who could with him.   
  
Jung Yunho is sensitive, quiet and a romantic. But U-Know Yunho is hardened, toughened by the brutal Korean entertainment industry and he did not want to subject the people he cared for to its scrutiny. His past relationships had faded away under the cover of nights and sneaking around. His ex-es had left, with tears in their eyes, uttering firm goodbyes. Changmin, with his mismatched eye-smile that lit up with his grin, with his gorgeous body and intellectual, artistic mind, deserved better. Better than Jung Yunho who could not be separated from U-Know.  
  
The quote from the book surfaces again in his head. Yunho looks at his door, where the entrance to his study sits just opposite.  
  
\---  
He plays it a few times, tweaking the melody and adjusting the lyrics. The lyrics and composition had been finished in an hour. The production and mixing had then taken the rest of the night and half the morning. But there was something missing. He picks up his phone and calls in a favour to a friend of his, who conducts for a children's choir.A week later, the song is uploaded to his personal website. He does not intend to release it commercially. It is not meant to make a profit. It is meant as a response. He crosses his fingers, raises it to his lips and then to the window.  
  
\---  
'Oppa!' shouts Changmin's sister, Soo Yeon, when she spots her tall brother coming out into the arrival hall of Incheon International Airport. Beside her, Ji Yeon waves her hand frantically. Changmin spots them and breaks out into a smile. He is finally home. He engulfs his sisters in a joint hug. They will meet his parents at the restaurant for dinner straight.In the car, Changmin half-listens to his sisters' excited updates on the family since they had arrived back half a year before him. He looks out the window at the unfamiliar yet familiar landscape of Seoul passing by; his home yet he feels like a stranger. He looks down at his hands and the phone lying silent on his lap. Quickly, he shakes his head pre-emptively, not wanting his mood to be affected.  
  
'Ah! Yeonnie! Turn it up, turn it up!' squeals Soo Yeon excitedly. Ji Yeon turns the knob of the car radio, amplifying the song that had just come on.

  
' 널 지운다 그려본다 그 때'  


  
Changmin starts, staring at the radio.   
  
_ That voice. _

널 보낸다 바람 속에 보낸다 _Is it? Could it be?_ 바람이 부는 곳에 그 어디에서도 만날 수 있겠지알아 내 맘을 알죠 널 원하고 있죠  
_Where the wind blows, wherever that is, I can meet you_  
  
No. It did not. Changmin thinks. Regret, pain surfacing.

_I know, my heart knows, it is wanting you_ 이른 겨울 찬 바람에 얼어붙은 내 마음이 사랑한다는 말 밖엔 못하죠 너의 말에 말 못하고 너의 말에 볼 수 없던 11월 그리고 추억

'Who.. whose song is this?' asks Changmin.  
  
'U-Know Yunho's! He hardly performs his own compositions but he released this on his personal website, free-of-charge just a few days ago. It went viral and became a huge hit. He refuses to release it commercially though, but it's awesome. So sad but beautiful.' Soo Yeon replies, not taking her eyes off the road.  
  
'Hah... I wonder what the story is behind it.' mutters Changmin as he tries to quiet the storm of emotions brewing inside of him. Soo Yeon hears the change in tone, and she responds quizzically, glancing at her brother from the rear-view mirror.  
  
'Oh, he did write something when he uploaded it. I suspect it's a response to an ex-lover or something like that.The Internet is going mad with articles speculating on which ex-lover of U-Know's, it could be referring to.'

'What did he say?''

'Just one sentence, "Sorry, this took so long. Y." Soo Yeon glances up at her brother who is staring out the window, a strange expression on his face.

His heart beats wildly, aching. Unbidden tears start to well up in his eyes as the voice sings, of a love lost but not forgotten. Silence descends in the car. As the song ends, Yunho's voice trails off softly,

  
Changmin's heart breaks all over again.  
  
a/n:


	5. xanster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Video in original post -> http://xanster.livejournal.com/3880.html

_-continues from['11월...그리고'](http://xanster.livejournal.com/3745.html)-_

_\---_  
_I can’t see the stars anymore, living here._

‘I’ll let you know, if I change my mind. Thank you.’ 

Yunho hangs up on what must be his umpteenth phone call from a record executive, convinced that he or she would be the one able to change U-Know’s mind about releasing his track commercially. Yunho sighs and turns away from his console, looking out the window.

Seoul beckons to him, blinking and gleaming from outside. It is a Saturday night, two weeks to Christmas, but Yunho is here, at home. It has been a few weeks since he posted his song and the public reaction to it was nothing short of amusing, tinged with a bit of frustration and disappointment. Amusing because they had lapped it up like a thirsty dog; gossip spreading like wildfire as to whom the song could be addressed to. Amusing because he had not expected the response. It was uploaded quietly in a discreet section of his personal website, with just a short note. Ninja fans, indeed, he muses, impressed by how someone had managed to find the file and upload it onto Naver for the rest of Korea to discover. 

_ Sorry this took so long. Y. _

Frustration because this paved the way for record labels, industry contacts and friends to start calling him, trying to get a story, _the_ story out of him. Trying to convince him to sign over the rights to the song, to sell it as a single and maybe, even do a solo album. Yunho had refused outright. It isn’t for sale, he emphasised over and over. He had ven turned down countless invitations to perform it. The solid refusals leading to even more persistent ways of trying to find out _why_ _and how_ the song had come about. And then one day, as he was being interviewed on radioabout the making of TVXQ!’s best-selling album, a fan called in with a question.

_ ‘U-Know-sshi. We keep referring to your song as ‘November with Love’ because we don’t know what else to call it. Could you give us a name?’ _

A quiet smile forms on Yunho’s face as he looks down.

_ ‘”November with Love.” That’s what it’s called.’ _

Disappointment because he had not heard anything. Despite how news of ‘November with Love’ had spread, online, through the media and broke download records, he had not heard anything to tell him that Changmin had received word of his response. No, it was not fair to expect that Changmin would, anyway. He knew by now that Changmin had figured out his identity, having sent him that package months ago to his company’s address. 

Maybe Rome is really too far away, after all.

\---

_ Let’s go to the hills where the outlines are clear. _

Changmin closes his eyes, spreads his arms wide and lets himself fall off the edge. 

He lands with a splash into the swimming pool, opening his eyes and breaking the surface only when he finds himself running out of air.

He floats in the pool, staring at the stars above in the sky.  
  
  
  
\---

_ Look at the stars, see how they shine for you _ .

He dries himself off and walks to where his phone lies, covered in a pile of his discarded clothes when he had decided spontaneously to go for a night-time swim ona whim. He picks it up, noticing a message had arrived while he was in the pool.

_ Hey Min ah. Wanna go grab a beer tonight? – Kyuhyunnie _

Changmin immediately agrees. He could always do with a night-cap. Especially now, that he was back in Seoul. Especially after that car-ride from the airport. Especially after hearing that song. 

Without a backward glance, he walks into the house to get ready, leaving his phone behind on the poolside table. 

\---

_ Bring on the wonder, bring on the sun. _

At the bar in Itaewon, Kyuhyun pulls Changmin in for a bone-crushing hug, happy to see his high-school best friend after so long. A pint of beer sits in wait, and Changmin grins in acknowledgement, glad to see that Kyuhyun still knows him the best. They chat idly, teasingly about friends, family and Changmin’s life in Rome. 

Rome.

His heart tinges at the mention of Rome and the memories it brings. But Changmin glazes over it, focusing on his photography lessons instead and the subjects he had come across. He downs the rest of his beer and gestures at the bartender for another. Kyuhyun quirks his eyebrow quizzically but does not push it. He knows his best friend well and Changmin will probably tell him when he was ready- which was not now. 

Or anytime soon, Changmin thinks sadly. He reaches over and holds Kyuhyun’s pint to his mouth.

‘Down it, you’re drinking way too slowly!’ he laughs, too loudly, too quickly.

\---

_ I’ve pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. _

Yunho takes a seat at a corner table. Ho Jun has gone to greet the owner, with whom he is friends. Ho Jun had turned up at his apartment earlier to drag him out, announcing it was ‘a weekend, for goodness’ sake! How old are you? 99?’ Yunho had agreed, chuckling, appreciating the distraction and the opportunity to think about anything else. 

He orders soju and leans back, looking around the place. It is still not too crowded even though it is the weekend and nobody has recognised him yet. He appreciates his friends like Ho Jun, who never forget to remind him of how important it is to take some time out to just be Jung Yunho. Sometimes, he forgets, and he is sorry for it but somehow, his close friends never hold it against him. 

But a lover, a lover would never understand. Never understand that U-Know Yunho forgets Jung Yunho sometimes.

\---

_ Because your eyes, nose, lips; every look and every breath. _

Kyuhyun comes running up to Changmin at the bar, breathless from the alcohol and the discovery he has just made on his way back from the bathroom.

‘Hey Min ah, it’s open-mike night tonight! Let’s go sing!’

Changmin, flushed red from the beer, thinks he did not hear right. 

‘Wha.. sing? What?’ 

Kyuhyun does not wait for an answer, he is already pulling a dazed Changmin across the floor towards the band area. 

\---

Yunho sips on his soju, laughing, at the joke that Ho Jun makes about an actress he is working with. Ho Jun is an old friend of his, who he had known before they both got into the entertainment industry. He fingers the sleeve of the jumper he has on, while sipping. The jumper had sat at the back of his closet for ages until tonight. For some reason, Yunho felt like wearing it. The last time he wore it, he was in Rome. 

With Changmin. 

Yunho feels a strange throb in his chest at the memory, and he swallows another mouthful of soju, trying to drown it. He turns his eyes to the small stage on the other side, where it seems a band is preparing to come on.

\---

‘Why am I singing instead of you again?’ Changmin grumbles at Kyuhyun, his back towards the rest of the bar as he scans the sheet music, murmuring the lyrics to himself.

Kyuhyun grins back at him, fiddling with the acoustic guitar that he has borrowed from one of the band members.

‘Come on. It’s my favourite song and you don’t know how to play the chords for this.’

Changmin narrows his eyes back at Kyuhyun. 

‘You can sing and the nice guitarist here can accompany you while I enjoy it from over there with my beer.’

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. ‘No, I want to accompany YOU while YOU sing. That’s final.’

Changmin elbows Kyuhyun sharply in the ribs but he does not protest.

He blames the beer.

They turn to the audience and get ready.

\---

In the bathroom, Yunho splashes water on his face. He needs to stop drinking anymore soju if not he would not be able to drive back home. He wipes his hands on the sides of his jumper and looks at his reflection one more time. 

The animal-print jumper stares back at him. Accusingly, it seems. Yunho shakes his head, trying to clear it of the stream of nonsensical thoughts fighting to gain a foothold in his mind. He must have drunk too much. That’s it, he has to go home and change out of this jumper.

He walks out of the bathroom. The band has started their set. Yunho stops in his tracks, eyes locked on someone on the opposite side of the room. Stunned.

_ Changmin. _

___

창가에 불어오는 가을바람은  
텅 빈 마음을 스쳐 가는데  
차가워진 벽에 기대어  
멀리 밝아오는 새벽하늘 바라보아요

보고 싶지만 가까이 갈 수 없어  
이젠 그대 곁을 떠나가야 해  
외로웠었던 나의 메마른 그 두 눈에  
크고 따뜻한 사랑을 주었던

The bar is silent, conversation has quietened as the audience listens in awe at Changmin’s voice. Changmin has his eyes closed as he sings. It is too late now, he lets his emotions show, flow through his voice into the words that come out. The feelings that he had tried to bury surface like a broken dam. A tear threatens to fall, helped by the buzz of the alcohol in his system, like an eager mother egging her children on. 

He opens his eyes and moves his gaze over the room, looking for a spot he can focus upon. And then he sees a glimpse of a familiar-looking red animal-print jumper at the side. He stops in shock. Eyes widening.

_ Yunho _ .

The man is standing there, watching him. Their eyes lock, and Changmin finds himself having difficulty swallowing. 

Kyuhyun continues playing the guitar beside him, oblivious to the change in Changmin’s behaviour. He thinks Changmin may have forgotten the lyrics and pushes the sheet music closer to his friend.

As though woken from a trance by his friend’s movement next to him, Changmin looks down at the paper, trying his hardest to keep from fleeing the stage. He cannot let Yunho see him this way, it has been so long. He needs to be okay. He fights down the flood of emotions threatening to bubble up and spill-over, takes a deep breath and continues.

But this time, his eyes move automatically towards Yunho, unable to tear himself away.

그대 곁을 이제 떠나는 것을 후회할지도 모르지만  
그댈 사랑하기 때문이야

_ He’s singing to Jung Yunho now. The man from last November. The room fades to black and Changmin sees only Yunho, gazing sadly back at him. The man still looks so good Except this time, Changmin now sees U-Know Yunho. The lauded music producer; cold and distant. The man who had thrown his heart away. He did not know U-Know and U-Know would not care about him.  _

A growing numbness creeps into his chest as he sings, blinking back tears and trying to keep his voice steady.

그대만을 사랑하는 걸 잊을 수는 없지만  
슬픔 속에 그댈 지워야만 해

후회할지도 모르지만 사랑하는 그대여 안녕

_ I can’t forget that I love only you but I need to erase you and my sadness.  _

_ I may regret but goodbye, my love. _

Changmin drags Kyuhyun out of the bar before the audience finishes clapping, pausing to throw up in the alleyway behind the bar.

‘Dude, are you okay? What was ..’ Kyuhyun’s voice breaks off as he hurriedly embraces the man who is now sobbing. 

Sobbing his broken heart out. 

\---

Beside a pool, twinkling under the night sky, the soft sounds of a train’s horn blaring signal an incoming call. 

The starting chords of ‘November with Love’ sound out into the garden, as the phone rings. On and on. A pause. And then the train’s horn again.

\---

  
  
-continues to '[goodbye (1b)](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4161.html)'-


	6. xanster

-continues from '[Goodbye](http://xanster.livejournal.com/3880.html)'-

\---  
Yunho runs like his life depends on it. He tried calling Changmin as soon as he lost sight of the other, but he wasn't answering.

The moment he saw Changmin bolt from the stage, his mind throttled him forward, following. He saw another man being dragged along by Changmin and for a moment, is momentarily thrown aback by a twinge of.. was it jealousy? But he does not stop to think, he runs, pushing past people. A table stands in his way, and Yunho has to detour briefly. But the delay is enough, he can't find them as he stumbles onto the pavement outside the bar.

Then he hears a voice, to the side a ways in front of him. It is agitated and filled with concern. He hears retching and then sobbing. Pain-wrecked sobs. Throbbing against his ears and into the depths of his soul; a discordant symphony. His heart knows, it feels Changmin's presence around the corner. But his feet stall. They stop, hidden behind the wall.

_It was just a two-week thing._

This was stupid, this was silly. How did a two-week thing become something _so much more?_

Yunho's hands clench into fists on either side of him. He looks down at the ground. He can't hear the voice or the sobs anymore. He peeks around the corner.

And comes face to face with Changmin, eyes reddened and cheeks wet with tears.

Changmin gasps in shock.

Yunho can't look away. His eyes, never leaving Changmin.

The other man is beside him, a frown on his face as he takes Yunho in. Then a flicker of recognition, as he recalls the lauded music producer. He wonders briefly and then it clicks. It falls into place. He looks at his best friend, sees the brokenness on his face, and feels the grip on his hand that gets tighter by the second. He pushes himself in front of Changmin, breaking Yunho's line of sight.

'Stay away.' Kyuhyun breathes out, voice harsh. He turns, pulling Changmin with him.

Changmin stumbles and then walks. It feels too surreal, like a scene out of a bad romance movie. He wants to get home. He wants to get away.

Yunho watches, helpless.

'Changmin.'' He whispers. But Changmin doesn't hear.

He's too far away now.

\---  
Changmin wakes up the next day, head spinning. But the pain in his head dulls when he remembers the emptiness in his heart. The events of last night.

He reaches for his phone to call Kyuhyun, firstly to thank him and then apologise. And then maybe, explain. But his phone is nowhere to be found. Then he remembers that the last time he used it was at the pool.

He pads down to the poolside and finds the device.

Two missed calls.  
Four messages.

From him.

2.30am: Changmin. Let me explain. Can we talk?

3.45am: Are you there? Changmin?

5.15am: Just hear me out. We need to talk.

The last message, just three hours ago, at 6am. Yunho had stayed up for four hours.  
 _I'm sorry._

\---  
 Yunho rubs his forehead in frustration.

Today did not seem to be going well at all. The latest track he had been working on sounded off, and he did not know why.

He slams his hand down on the console and takes a puff from the lit cigarette next to him.

He never smokes in his studios. Never.

However, there is always a first time for everything. Smoking while at work. Letting a fling get under his skin.

He grunts. It has been almost a week since that night. And nothing. Nothing. Just nothing.

Then his phone beeps.

_Okay. Let's talk._

\---  
Yunho drives slowly into the car-park and parks next to the only other car, a black Audi. He gets out and spots the outline of a figure seated on the table of a park bench, back towards the car-park.

When he gets close enough, he hops up onto the table, back facing the other man.

Silence.

Yunho swallows. He needs to speak but for some reason, the words are stuck in his throat. Jung Yunho is at a loss for words, U-Know Yunho having been left behind. For this moment, he needs to be himself, he has to remember.

''I don't need to tell you that you broke my heart, do I? I guess it's obvious. I know you're probably used to this by now, the loving and leaving.'' Changmin's hoarse voice suddenly breaks the silence. ''I don't know what I expected, and I still don't. I was a silly boy, who was enticed by Europe and seduced by you. For that, I'm sorry. Sorry that I am being a fool, that I reacted this way and that now you feel bad enough to have to deal with me.''

Every word, like a stab as it comes out. But Changmin says it anyway. He needs to say it. He's tired of feeling crushed, tired of hurting.

''No." Yunho half-turns, looking at the hunched back of the other. 'No, I am the fool, not you.'' He raises a hand, wanting to touch, but not able to. "I took the easy way out. I thought it was for the best. I am the one who is sorry. There's no excuse, except I never wanted to hurt you.'' He runs the hand through his hair instead, voice dropping down to a murmur.

'But you did. You hurt me.' Changmin is accusatory. He is holding his head in his hands now. He hates this. Hates everything.

''I'm sorry. I never knew that we, what we had in Rome, could end up.. I don't know. This is new to me. I don't know..'' Yunho trails off, he stares at the sky, wishing answers could magically appear.

''Yeah, neither do I. Don't worry about it, U-Know. We are over, let's just leave this as it is.'' Changmin blurts out, feeling his heart twist with every word Yunho said. Yunho feels a pang at being called by his working name. He suddenly feels the distance between Changmin and him is unbridgeable.

Changmin gets up to leave, and feels a hand grab at his, stopping him.

And then a pair of strong arms come round him, trapping him in a back-hug. Changmin stiffens and then struggles, trying to get out of the other's hold.

''Changmin, please.' Yunho's voice is pleading. Changmin stops struggling, but he is still tense. His eyes are welling up, he prays they don't spill over.

''Let me go, Yunho. A music star like you, should not bother about a nobody like me. We're clearly too different. I've realised that.'' Changmin says softly. Sadly.

Yunho's embrace only tightens. Then he exhales, and lets go.

''I'm sorry, Changmin.I just had to let you know that you'll never be a nobody to me. Never. I don't  know if you know already, but I want to give you something. Here.''

Changmin feels an envelope being pushed into his hand. Yunho gets up and looks back at Changmin. Then he walks away to his car, feeling as though he had just left a piece of himself behind.

Inside is a CD and a note.

'If I wasn't U-Know, I would be Jung Yunho. And Jung Yunho would be yours. This is the master copy of November with Love. It is your song, you own the rights to it. Always.'

-continues to ['What You Don't Know](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4575.html)'-  
\---

a/n: this is a short update to close off 'Goodbye'. In order for healing to begin, there needs to be closure. I mean to write this series in a realistic way because real-life relationships aren't like those in the storybooks. But don't worry, the angst is coming to an end. Yunho is slowly realising what Changmin means to him, but at this point of time, they aren't ready for each other. Once Yunho is ready, it will be up to him.


	7. xanster

-continues from ['Goodbye (1b)'-](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4161.html)

\---  
Life goes on.

After all, real love is not like in the movies. People do not always end up with the loves of their lives; do not stay happy forever; relationships break and shatter; people move on and fall apart. Words do not always change people's minds; actions do not always convince. Some people choose to face their problems, some choose to do so by running away. If life were simple, there would be no complications, no hardships, no pain.

But life does not work that way. There is pain, there is loss, there is love, there is happiness. After rain, there are rainbows. After darkness, there is light. It is just a matter of time. The question is, what do you do while waiting for everything to fall back into place?

\---  
Changmin stares at the envelope on his desk. He had opened it, played the disc once, and then hidden it away after. Too raw to deal with the emotions that came with the music. He understood, through it all, in spite of it all, he had understood the meaning behind Yunho's gesture. And that realisation had seared its way into the depths of Changmin's soul, leaving an imprint like a tattoo. Yunho had been the one to end things, the only way he knew how, despite how he had felt about him. Yunho had not wanted to hold him back, not wanted to try because of reasons only he knew. But Changmin could hazard a pretty good guess. The words that Yunho had said and not said, Changmin could infer. He had been angry, and then he had tried to hate him. But in the end, the complete and utter realisation once he saw what Yunho had given him had broken down his anger, leaving him with nothing. Emptiness. The only good thing, perhaps, was that he was _no longer sad_.

Things had ended up this way not because of him. This was all Yunho.

 

With that knowledge, he allows himself to let go. _Let everything go_.  
  
\---  
Christmas is tomorrow and Yunho is spending it in Seoul this year. Due to work, he can only make it back to his hometown on Boxing Day. He makes another long phone call back home to apologise. The cheeriness of his family’s voices on the other line only drum it in further at how distant he has become from them. They have gotten used to being without me, he thinks. Ho Jun calls him soon after, insisting that he attends the party he is holding on Christmas Day, or else ‘I will physically drag you’. But that is tomorrow and he has the rest of the time before then to finish mastering the song he is working on.  
  
 _My head is underwater but I'm breathing fine._  
  
His mind wanders as it always does, to Changmin, whenever he has a spare moment. He wonders what the other is doing. He had not heard from the man ever since that night at the park. He sinks back in his chair, a small frown appearing on his forehead as he recalls the night.  
  
But his mind is pretty much blank when he tries to think back on what he could have done better.  
  
Nothing, he reasons to himself for the millionth time. This is for the best. His mind agrees with him, but an accompanying ache of the memory in his chest, reminds him that his heart does not.  
  
Yunho sighs and gets up from his chair.  
  
\---  
The Han River is quiet at the time of the night. Yunho gazes out at the ripples in the water, embracing the peace and privacy that the River always gives him. 

A gravelly voice breaks his reverie.

‘Hey, do you have a smoke?’ Yunho looks up into the eyes of a middle-aged man. Scruff lines his face, years of living rough facing the elements have weathered themselves into the man’s features. But his eyes still shine, and the corners of his bearded mouth are lifted in a half-smile. 

Yunho rummages around in his back pocket before producing a box of cigarettes and a lighter. He takes out one and lights it for the man, before lighting his own and exhaling. He turns back to face the river.  
  
\---

‘So, what’s your story?’ the man asks. Yunho shoots him a surprised glance; the man is staring out at the river, hands clasped around the cigarette. 

‘Excuse me?’

‘A man like you, staring out at the river, at this time of the night on Christmas Eve. What’s your story?’

‘I.. I don’t..’ begins Yunho, shifting uncomfortably.

‘I’m just a man, a complete stranger. Whatever your story is, it can’t be as bad as mine. I’m the one who lives on that bench over there!’ chuckles the man, tilting his head towards the direction of a row of benches behind them. 

‘And still, you seem remarkably happy for a man who does…’ murmurs Yunho, almost enviously. He means it as a compliment though, and the man takes it as one, nodding in agreement.

‘That’s because I’ve realised what’s important and what’s not. Let go of the things that weigh you down, and you’ll realise you can live anywhere.’ The man answers, flicking ash into the river.

Yunho stares at the man, curiosity piqued by his words. Let go of the things that weigh you down.

‘So, what’s your story?’ the man repeats.

Yunho stops. He looks at the man and then sighs. It’s Christmas Eve after all and he is alone. Except for this man who seems more perceptive than half of the people in his life, within the first ten minutes of meeting. 

\---

So he stutters, swallows and then he speaks. He tells the man a poignant story of why he is alone on Christmas Eve. Of loneliness, of forgetting himself. Of work and success; of love and loss. Yes, love and loss, which has led him to being alone on this day of all days, in his 28th year of life, in his 10th year of being in Seoul. He speaks tentatively about his early failed relationships, briefly touching upon them and how they floundered and faded as work demands increased, and then he talks mournfully about the way he dealt with their failure by choosing the path of non-commitment- one-night stands; short-term affairs. It was easier, you see, to walk away when there was no welcome to stay in the first place.

Then he stops, words stumbling at the edge of his tongue. The man waits patiently. There is one more piece of the puzzle that Yunho cannot bring himself to talk about.   


‘I went to Italy, Rome to be exact, last November.’ Yunho starts slowly. He rubs a hand across his forehead as he tries to find a way to begin. ‘And I met someone.’

He pauses, as emotions catch up with him. Images of the Roman holiday flash across his mind.

_ Changmin. The first day. The conversation.  _

‘It was only a day, but damn it, I felt.. I felt at home. Does that make sense?’

_ The gondola ride, the hand-holding. The kiss. _

‘It had been so long, when my heart beat like that, I felt alive.’

_ The pier. The chase. And the night. _

‘You know how they say love is like a union of souls. It felt like that, only physically. God, I am so cheesy.’

_ The days laughing, going out, shopping.  _

‘We could have been doing nothing and I would still feel like that was the best time of my life.’

_ The eventual return, the farewell. _

‘I wanted to stay, but I had to leave. I told myself.. I told myself..’ Yunho breaks off, unable to continue. The moonlight catches the emotion in his eyes as he stares hard at the water.   


‘What did you tell yourself?’ the man asks.

‘I told myself, it was just a fling. That it.. I would forget it over time.’

And Yunho finally recognises the lie that he had tried to live, feels it crack as he says the words out loud.   


\---

Kyuhyun pounds on Changmin’s door, shouting for the other to hurry the fuck up before everyone else gets drunk without them.

Changmin slams open the door and storms out in a huff, glaring daggers at Kyuhyun as his fingers work furiously at the buttons of his shirt.

‘Okay, okay! I’m out, oh my god.’ He grabs his wallet and phone and shoves them into his jeans’ pockets and puts on his shoes. 

Kyuhyun is already out the front door and walking down his driveway, trying to hail a cab that would take them to the club for the party. He had scored them invites to the exclusive party because their good friend Minho worked in the entertainment industry and he really wanted to go because his favourite girl group was supposed to attend. 

Changmin yells a goodbye to his family and closes the door, jogging after his friend. He is actually looking forward to partying and having a good time with his friends. It had been two weeks since that night with Yunho at the park but Changmin was doing a lot better. After his, admittedly belated, realisation that he had nothing to do with the way things had ended, he had felt much better. He would be starting work at a magazine after the New Year and things were, well they were looking up. Finally, finally he would be happy and okay again. 

He smiles at the thought and hops into the cab that Kyuhyun had gotten, elbowing the man playfully to move over. 

\---

Yunho shakes his head, declining yet another flute of champagne. He is pretty sure he is getting there. As in getting drunk and possibly doing something really stupid that would make headlines the next day. The girls sitting opposite him are giggling to themselves and peeking over their drinks trying to catch his eye. Yunho looks around, trying to find an escape route. Ho Jun is useless, the man has disappeared into the crowd, probably dancing on a bar top if the crowd hooting over at the far corner was any indication. He tries to make polite conversation with one of the girls, but after yet another stray hand makes its way to his black denim-clad thigh, Yunho smiles politely and gets up to excuse himself. 

He walks over to another table where his good friend, Boa, is sitting. 

‘None catch your fancy?’ Boa asks, smirking as she sips from her glass.

Yunho huffs and shakes his head. He looks at Boa as she glances at him sideways, catching his eye. 

‘Maybe you were just looking in the wrong place.’ Boa whispers, flirtatiously. She lowers her eyes and gives him a look-over.

A white v-neck shirt that emphasises Yunho’s toned and sculpted body, half-tucked into a black pair of denim jeans and a long dog-tag necklace. For some reason, Yunho always looked really good even if he was wearing really casual clothes.They had hooked up a long time ago before Boa struck it big in Japan. She now spends almost half of her time there. Anyway, they had decided that staying friends was best. 

Or so she thinks, feeling hindsight reproach her young and naïve self. Well, with the way he looks, n o wonder almost everyone here was trying to get his attention.

Boa licks her lips and leans in closer. Yunho quirks an eyebrow in question, and leans in as well. 

‘Are you seeing anyone?’ Boa asks.

The expression that flickers briefly over Yunho’s face is enough to answer her. She hesitates, maybe she shouldn’t. Or maybe she should

‘I return to Japan in a few days. How about keeping me company for the rest of this party.. And maybe the rest of the night?’ 

Yunho’s mouth opens in surprise. Then he stares at Boa, trying to figure out if she is joking. It had been a long time since. Well, since anyone. He cares for Boa and they are similar. Similarly alone and similarly married to their work. He swallows, a glimpse of Changmin pushes its way into his head before he shoves it back. 

His heart pounds in objection as he opens his mouth to grin back. 

‘Sure.’ 

Boa closes the gap between their lips with a wink.

\---

Changmin gasps in shock.

  
\---

After arriving at the club, Minho had met them and brought them to his table in the VIP area. He then made a show of gesturing and pointedly whispering that ‘the celebrities were JUST OVER THERE’, making Changmin roll his eyes and Kyuhyun squeak with delight at the prospect of having his favourite girl group JUST OVER THERE.

Changmin had been left alone to nurse his beer while Kyuhyun and Minho went off to try and spy on the girl group. Bored and wanting to avoid having to make conversation with some people who were trying to hit on him, Changmin had wandered off to look for Kyuhyun and Minho over where the celebrities were, his VIP entry stamp allowing him entry.

Then he had seen Boa, having recognised her from his time in Japan. Curious, he moved closer, trying to get a better look. And then an ominous feeling crept over him as he gazed at the back of the man facing her.

The broadness of his shoulders, his arms. The way he sat, the back of his head. Changmin found himself backing slowly away, as recognition started sinking in like a shockwave.

And then they kissed and Changmin had felt his throat go dry. He clutches at the pillar next to him desperately, trying to steady himself and walk away. He has to leave, he has to.

  
\---  
‘I think we are attracting attention,’ Boa murmurs, breaking for air.

‘What?’ Yunho replies, licking his lips. Boa had pressed her lips against his but he had not really responded, not wanting to. Yet. Perhaps with a bit more alcohol..

His chain of thoughts break off as Boa nods towards the outer area, ‘there.’

Yunho whips around and freezes, eyes catching sight of Changmin, head bent, leaning against a pillar. He had not realised Yunho had seen him yet. 

‘Changmin.’ Yunho mutters, getting up quickly. Boa grabs at his arm, ‘You know him?’

‘Changmin!’ Yunho calls, louder this time, shrugging off Boa’s grasp.

Changmin looks up, a shattered expression on his face. He locks eyes with Yunho, shakes his head once, twice. And turns around to run out of the club.

‘Damn it!’ Yunho curses as he takes off after the man. Leaving a confused Boa staring after him. 

\---

‘Changmin, Changmin! Damn it, CHANGMIN!’ Yunho yells, grabbing at the other man’s arm as he is stalled by the crowd coming down the stairs, the only way in and out of the club. Changmin turns around, frustration rousing through his veins.

‘Let go of me.’ He mutters, furious.

‘No. Listen, can we talk?’

‘What’s there to talk about? Everything’s good. Let me go.’ Changmin is seething from where he is standing. The crowd around them recognises U-Know Yunho. They look at the two, at the way Yunho is holding onto Changmin, the desperation in his face, the blank look on Changmin’s. The whispering and staring start up. Changmin notices and it pisses him off.

‘Let me go.’ He repeats. Enunciating every word. A steel undertone emphasising the effort he is putting in to keep his emotions under control in this public place, this _very public_ place. Even now, he is still thinking of Yunho, still concerned about attracting negative attention. _Please Yunho,_ his eyes flicker warningly.

Yunho starts. And then he stops. He notices the people watching. He can imagine this will be the talk of the town tomorrow morning. 

His hesitation does not go unnoticed. Changmin growls and shakes Yunho’s hand off his arm. He turns to run up the steps.

‘No!’ Something about the tone in the voice halts his movement. Makes him turn his head.

Yunho covers the remaining steps between them until he is just a step underneath Changmin. 

He repeats himself, clear enough so that Changmin hears every single word.   


‘I said no. I can’t. I can’t, Changdola. I can’t let you go.’   


\---  
-continues to '[Back At One](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4829.html)'-


	8. xanster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Video: http://xanster.livejournal.com/4829.html

-continued from '[What You Don't Know](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4575.html)'- play this while you read.

_I can’t let you go._

It was as though time had stood still, freezing the both of them into place. The sounds around them faded into grey, and the people disappeared into black. In that moment, it was just the two of them; just Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin. 

_I can’t let you go_ .

Each word, like a weight, sinking deep into the depths of Changmin’s soul. 

He stares at Yunho’s eyes, as though he is searching for a hidden trick, a deception. Maybe he was dreaming.

Nope, he isn’t. There is that pair of familiar eyes. Watching him, hoping to hold onto him just by its gaze alone. A hand along the banister, clenched into a fist, trying not to reach out and grab Changmin. As if he knows Changmin wants to run. And he does.

Changmin feels his feet move before his mind can comprehend his next step, and he turns, running up the rest of the steps.

Just as the night air outside hits his face, he feels himself pulled sharply to the side and pushed hard against the brick wall in the alleyway, outside the club.

‘Changmin. Please. Stop running, please. Just stop.’ Yunho’s voice is soft and pleading. His hand grasping Changmin’s wrist, forcing himself to keep a little distance and not just hold onto Changmin for eternity. 

Changmin still cannot bring himself to respond. His eyes flicker back and forth across Yunho’s worried face. His mind is a whirl of confusion, of thoughts. His heart is a mess of emotion, pain flicking back and forth with every breath. 

_I can’t let you go._

But you did. You did, Yunho. You let me go, Changmin thinks. 

He does not say it out though, it is as though his voice has shrivelled up by the sheer surreality of the situation now. One moment he was all ready to move on and celebrate Christmas with his friends, then he had spotted Yunho and Boa, and then.. and then Yunho and him now.

The silence between the two, the empty space filled with tension. One half propelled by emotion; one half propelled by hurt.

‘Why?’ Changmin breaks the silence. One word. A demand. Changmin needs to know why. 

‘Don’t, please. Just don’t. Stop running. I’m sorry.’

‘You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe you anything either. Go back and have fun with her.’ The image from just now surfaces again, drowning Changmin’s other thoughts and feelings. A blank look replaces the initial sadness that had been on his face. A need to protect himself once again, against this man who had hurt him once more. 

‘No. It isn’t what you think it is. I tried, Changmin. I tried. I tried to let you go. I tried to forget you. Even 5 minutes ago, I was trying to forget you.’

‘By making out with someone else.’ says Changmin. Bluntly. Numbly.

‘Y..es. Yes. That’s Boa. She’s a good friend. We are just friends.’

‘I know who she is. I see. Friends who make out.’

‘We.. we’re just good friends who are lonely because work has always been our life. Tonight was just that. A stupid thing to do, I know. I’m sorry.’

..

‘Changmin. I realised some things. Please. Hear me out.’

..

‘Someone. A wise man, wiser than I’ll ever be, made me realise that I was being stupid. I was living a lie. I was trying to deny the truth. Deny what I felt. Deny.. you. I thought it was for the best, that we just end. All my adult life, I’ve said goodbye to people who couldn’t love me enough to stick around. To put up with my work demands. I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to say goodbye to you. So I thought, I should just stay away.’

‘Without a word? Without an explanation? Wow, U-Know. Real mature.’ Changmin cannot help it, the sarcasm cuts through. It helps him cope. He wants to escape, to forget, to leave. But Yunho will not let him go.

‘Stop. Please. I’m me now. I’m Yunho. U-Know is me too, but he isn’t _who_ I am. Right now, the man standing here in front of you. Is just Jung Yunho.’ And Changmin’s wall cracks. Slightly. His eyes return to the forlorn face in front of him. Their eyes lock once again.

‘I don’t even know if I know you. Or who the person I met in Rome was.’ Changmin’s honesty cuts like ice through Yunho’s heart. He wants to convince Changmin of his sincerity. He _needs_ to.

‘That was Yunho. I didn’t tell you who I was because I wanted you to treat me normally. To.. like me. For who I am. I know it’s gonna be hard work but please, let me win you back.’

‘Why?’

Why? Yunho hesitates briefly. And then he breathes the answer out. 

‘Because I love you.’

Changmin’s eyes freeze. And then they search, almost frantically. Searching Yunho’s own for truth, for honesty.

‘Changmin?’

Changmin breaks. His fragility breaks and crumbles. And it is just him, the him from November standing in front of the man who came into his life and turned it upside down in two weeks. The man who broke him and loved him. Left him and came back.

Changmin closes his eyes and leans heavily against the wall, his arms hanging by his side. Yunho has still not let go of his grasp on his wrist. He looks up at the sky, the Seoul night hanging over their heads. If this was a game, Fate indeed had a cruel sense of humour. But his heart had already surrendered and Changmin knows it before he speaks.

‘One chance, Yunho. You have one chance to _not_ break my heart again. It was hell. I’m only willing to risk it again one more time.’

—-

Yunho grabs him by the neck and presses a kiss hungrily upon him. Desperately. Wanting to taste him, to feel him, to know that this was real.  _Changmin._

Changmin does not respond at first. But then the rush of emotion that Yunho’s mouth ignites from him pushes through, and he opens his mouth, returning the kiss. Like a broken dam, he holds onto Yunho tightly, kissing back hard. _Yunho_. He feels tears welling up. 

Pain and happiness intertwining into a dance around their hearts, joining and uniting. Back At One.

—-

Yunho breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against Changmin’s.

‘Hey, want to go to the Han River for a walk?’

‘Why?’

‘Wise Man. Guess I owe him a thank you.’

‘Ah, maybe he can give me some perspective too. Talk me out of something stupid that I just did.’

Yunho halts, hurt flicking through his eyes. Changmin pauses, recognising it but not saying anything in comfort. Yunho quickly shakes it off, knowing he has to earn his forgiveness.

They leave the alleyway, Yunho’s hand on the small of Changmin’s back, nose a sniff away from his hair. He still cannot believe he is with Changmin now. That Changmin had given him another chance. They continue in silence for a bit.

‘So what happens if U-Know becomes an ass and forgets about me?’ Changmin suddenly mutters, just as they near the River.

‘Knowing you, I am confident you can remind him.’ Yunho smiles, making a mental note to _not screw this up, Jung._

‘I can punish you?’

‘Anything you want.’

Finally a smile appears on Changmin’s face. A genuine, happy smile that lights up his face, turning his eyes into mismatched beacons of joy that radiate around him. Yunho’s heart jumps at the sight, he has missed this so fucking much.

‘Hey Changdola?’ He tries his luck with the pet name.

Changmin glances at him, still smiling.

‘I thought this Christmas would be my suckiest ever. You just made it the happiest. Merry Christmas.’ He cups Changmin’s face with his hand, thumb caressing his cheek gently. 

Changmin leans into his touch, eyes still turned up in a mismatched way. 

‘Merry Christmas.’  
  
-continues to '[Ti Amo: Interlude](http://xanster.livejournal.com/6093.html)' -  
\---  
a/n: this took awhile because it came from a -deep- place. i approached this drabble differently by writing the dialogue first and then the rest of the story around it. i hoped that by doing so, you could see the inner turmoil that both characters (not just one, it always takes two to tango in a relationship) feel. this made me both want to tear my heart out and then smile. i hope you feel the same.


	9. xanster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Video: http://xanster.livejournal.com/6093.html

-a/n: This takes place before Yunho and Changmin's 10th anniversary in the[ epilogue](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4914.html), it consists of the elements of the ending that I -almost- wrote and is of course, inspired by the photo of Changmin [spotted in Rome, (14/9/14)](https://twitter.com/ChangminWorld/status/511080995500478464)-  
a/n2: To be read after '[Back At One](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4829.html)'

 

 

\---  
'Thank you. That's all. Goodbye.'

Changmin hangs up the phone and moves to his cupboard to start packing. His eyes pause briefly over the framed photograph of Yunho and himself by the bed. But he is determined, mind unwavering. He starts grabbing at clothes, refusing to look over at other half of the huge wardrobe. As if just by looking, his mind would change. No, not this time.

He contemplates _not_ writing a note but no, that's something Yunho would do. And he still cares enough about the man to not want to put him through it. But he does something else - he leaves it next to the note. A harsh reminder of what Yunho had pushed away, had forgotten and neglected. Pain shoots briefly through his chest as he recalls the night, the last chance he told himself he would give. The chance that Yunho had thrown away, yet again.

\---  
Yunho rubs his eyes tiredly as he exits the elevator to his apartment. He feels momentarily guilty at the thought of coming home late yet again and of a sleeping Changmin, alone in bed. But there had been a leak of TVXQ's new single and his staff was forced to work overtime to re-master the track. Being the boss he was, he stayed back too, too caught up in the urgency of the moment to remember...

To remember that it was Changmin's birthday.

_Oh shit, fuck fuck fuck._

Yunho runs into his apartment, door bursting open at his entrance. A ominous feeling fills him up from the inside as he notices it is all dark and quiet. Immediately, he opens his bedroom door and notices the empty bed. His heart sinks low in his chest as he runs over to Changmin's side, searching.

**Changmin.**

His hand fishes out his phone and he hits the speed-dial for Changmin.

_I'm sorry, the number you have called, is not available. Please try again, later._

**Changmin.**

_I'm sorry, the number you have called, is not available. Please try again, later._

**Changmin.**

Yunho feels panic rising to his throat. He dials Kyuhyun's number next, he and Changmin's best friend having re-done their initial meeting and striking up a firm friendship in the years that have followed.

\---  
'Hyung?' Kyuhyun's sleep-infused voice comes through.  
'Kyu ah? Do you happen to know where Changmin is?'  
'Oh. Oh... Uhm. Hyung. Check the dining table. Changmin left you something.'  
'What?! What the fuck, Kyu? What's going on?  
'Sorry hyung. I need to go. Goodnight.' Kyuhun almost sounds apologetic but he ends the call, leaving Yunho frantic on the other line.

\---  
Yunho drops his phone and runs to the dining table. He spots a note lying under the tissue box.

_Yunho. By the time you read this, I am somewhere else. Far away from you. I needed to go, to find out if I am okay to be without you. To go on ahead without you. I am with you, yet I am not. I feel like I'm always second, third, even fourth place to your work, your friends, in your life. Yunho ah, it was my birthday today, but do you know how I spent it? I spent it alone, waiting. Waiting for you, who did not come. I need to find out if I can be alone again, since I need to get used to being without you, as you clearly are, without me._

  
There was no sign-off. Nothing. Yunho spots a small box next to the note. He picks it up, and opens it. Inside sits the twin of the band that encircles the ring finger of his left hand.

Yunho feels like someone had just punched him in the heart, leaving him breathless and wheezing as he collapses next to the table in disbelief and shock.

**Changmin.**

\---  
Changmin thanks the service staff and hands over the 4 euros in exchange for his chocolate gelato. He relishes the feel of Italian on his tongue again after such a long time. He walks out of the shop into the bright sunlit pavement and makes his way to his favourite cafe. His feet automatically take him down paths and around corners, memories of his time there as a student filling his heart and mind. He wishes he could freeze the moment forever and never have to return. Return to Korea, return to reality. Return to him.

Or maybe, _not_ return to him.

He misses Yunho, more than he was willing to admit. But he was too hurt to contemplate returning or contacting the person yet. The lightness of his left hand reminds him of what he had left behind. He sighs, taking a lick of his gelato, wondering if he should make a trip to his old school and maybe say hello to some of his professors.

A beep signals an incoming message, and Changmin takes out his phone to open it, wondering if it was yet another one of Yunho's.

Kyuhyun.

'Chwang. I told hyung where you were. I couldn't help it. He's miserable. Stop being so stubborn and man up. Talk to him when he gets there.'

Changmin stares at the text, not believing what he was reading. He hits the call button but Kyuhyun, that annoying prick, refuses to answer.

Changmin replaces his phone in his pocket, feeling almost overwhelmed by the mix of emotions that arose from reading the text. He wonders what it means and how Yunho was planning to find him.

\---  
Yunho doesn't even pause to take a breather after checking in to his hotel. He drops his backpack, and heads out. He immediately heads for the fountain. It had been several years since he last came here; where he had first met the love of his life; where he had found his path to liberty and romance. But right now, that journey looked like it was ending, ending prematurely, ending like it should _not_ be. With that thought, Yunho hastens his footsteps even more.

**Changmin.**

The man is not at the fountain. Amongst the many tourists and local citizens milling about - Yunho pauses to glance at every single one of them. Underneath various types of headgear and sunglasses, accompanied by families, friends or just companions. He stops and stares but nothing and no one is familiar. His heart sinks.

**Changmin.**

He stops under a lamppost, panting from the adrenaline and urgency.

_Where are you?_

Then a memory resurfaces, as he stands under the lamppost, hands on his knees, sweat on his brow.

_'Sure. Let's go. I know a place.'_

**Changmin!**

Yunho turns and follows the path towards the marketplace, hope rising rapidly in his chest. He checks his watch. It's about that time in the afternoon. He quickens his step.

\---  
Changmin puts his book down and stretches out, leaning against his chair. He contemplates ordering another cup of coffee, but decides against it lest he face another sleepless night. He closes his eyes, feeling the Roman sun against his face, soaking it in. Ever since Kyuhyun's text, his mind had been filled with thoughts of Yunho and he wondered how long more he could put off facing reality. The warmth of the sun helped him somewhat, reminding him he was away from the man who had hurt him again, allowing him respite. He soaked it in gratefully, opening his eyes to gaze into the distance... where the said Reality was coming towards him.

_Wha.. what? Yunho?!_

Changmin jerks upright in his seat, eyes wide with surprise. He is not sure whether he should make a run for it or hide; the former almost winning out.

He sees Yunho walk briskly into the cafe, wearing a hassled expression, eyes darting about as if he was looking for something. Or someone.

 **Me** _._ Changmin realises.

Yunho pops back out of the cafe, posture defeated. He looks like he is on the brink of giving up. Then he looks across the courtyard and sees ..

 **Me**. Changmin can't help but feel tears well up in his eyes.

_**He saw me.** _

\---  
**Changmin.**

Yunho almost weeps at the sight of his beloved.

Both eyes locked in a mutual exchange of sadness and affection.

**Changmin.**

**Yunho.**

\---  
Yunho runs over. Changmin stands up. Yunho grabs Changmin and pulls him into a tight, very tight embrace.

'Changmin,' he whispers, voice breaking.

'Yunho,' Changmin replies, softly.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm such an ass. I'm sorry.' Yunho's desperate and he lets it show. Nothing is holding him back anymore. He cannot, he _can't_.

Changmin stays silent, he has had time to calm down and think about what he wanted from their relationship. But he knows he needs more, he needs Yunho to be there for him. He needs to know.

\---  
'How did you know where to find me?'

'It's Saturday. You used to always come here on Saturdays.'

Changmin nods, in relief and bittersweet happiness.

'You remember?'

'Always, Changdola. Always. I remember everything. Saturdays in Rome - fountain, cafe. Book and bicycle. Except you sold your bicycle when you returned to Korea. Coffee, _un cafe con leche_. Just how you like it. Just how you made me like it. Except your birthday. I'm sorry, I'm an ass. Let me make it up to you.'

Yunho holds out something in his right palm; it is Changmin's ring. The partner to the one encircling Yunho's right ring finger. Changmin feels his heart clench at the sight of the two bands.

_La Nostra Storia._

Changmin looks up and into Yunho's almond eyes, shining in the sunlight. In the Eternal City. He finally recognises the man who is holding him; the man he fell in love with. He realises Yunho remembers a lot more than he had let on; that he had come all the way here to get him back. That he is number _one_. And his insecurity peels away, overwhelmed by his love and longing for the man. They had been apart for a week. He takes a deep breath and looks up, eyes sparkling with the glimmer of unshed tears. He finally brings his arms around Yunho, returning the embrace. Their mouths meet in a gentle kiss, deepening as their heads tilt, tongues meeting and twirling around each other. Yunho slips Changmin's band back onto his left ring finger, hands lacing together comfortably.

The moment passes. Changmin leans his forehead agains Yunho and whispers against his lips,

'Okay. Make it up to me then.'

\---  
\- continues to '[La Storia: Epilogue](http://xanster.livejournal.com/4914.html)'-

a/n3: so.. my original epilogue/ending was supposed to be this - open-ended with maybe changmin deciding not to return to Korea. but. hahahaha :)


	10. Epilogue: xanster

-continues from '[Ti Amo: Interlude](http://xanster.livejournal.com/6093.html)'-

The man stares at his photographs in the lab, rinsing them carefully in the developer fluid. His eyes gaze fondly at the subject of his photos- the crinkle of his eyes as he smiles fondly at the camera, and the man behind it; the happiness and contentment on his face- He sighs and blinks back the well of emotion that springs up.

In half an hour, his exhibition would be starting soon. Outside, his assistants were scurrying around, busily finishing up the last-minute preparations. The guests were already chattering noisily, fuelled by the ease of champagne and the glitz of the occasion. After all, he was a known name in the industry and the invitations to his exhibitions were heavily coveted. The media were already gathered outside, busily snapping pictures of the big names that had come to the opening.

He really should be outside, mingling. But he has never been one for crowds. Yes, if he has to. But personally, no. And today, after all, is a _most_ personal subject.

He clips the newly-developed photos onto the line hanging above him and steps back. The red dimness of the lab colours the photos sepia, making them seem old. Memories in physical form, he thinks, smiling fondly as his eyes linger again on each of them. Memories of the recent past. At least, he will now have them to look at in years to come.

A knock on the door alerts him to the real world waiting outside. He sighs, looks once more at the photographs and leaves the room.

\---  
Outside, his assistant hovers. He is escorted to greet some of his higher-profile clients, people who have paid a lot of money for his work. Well, it is easy to produce good pieces when one has an incredibly inspiring muse. A muse that continues to incite and inspire him, ten years and counting.

His eyes turn up at the thought. It gives him courage and renewed energy. He is ready.

\---  
'And tonight, we celebrate the opening of yet another amazing tribute to the legacy of love and everything it entails. From the first sparks to full bloom; from happiness to pain; from togetherness to separation; from happy to sad endings. Love is indeed a multi-splendoured thing and we celebrate it all tonight. Let us put our hands together to welcome, on the 10th anniversary of his career, the renowned photographer- Mr Shim Changmin!' The emcee's boisterous voice booms out in introduction, behind him, the music starts up.

Changmin steps out slowly, eyes lit up, smile wide as he bows to the adoring crowd beyond the curtains.  
\---

He lifts his champagne flute to a guest doing the same at the other side of the room and looks around. Guests are gathered in pockets around various photographs in the gallery. The night has gone very well- he has already sold most of the photos, except for his prized one. Which of course, is not for sale.

He walks to it, hanging in the centre of the room, spot-lit by two lights at the side. He stands and stares at the photograph, his expression softening as he recalls the memory behind it.

Love.  
Meeting.  
Rome.

\---  
A soft voice whispers by his side, causing him to start a little before he relaxes in its familiarity.

'Are you sure I can't convince you to sell it?'

Changmin smiles, eyes still locked onto the photograph.

'No. It isn't for sale.'

'But surely what I can offer will be more than enough' The voice is teasing but warm.

'And what would that be?'

'This.'

\---  
A pair of arms encircle Changmin from the back and clutches him tightly against the broad chest of the other. A kiss is pressed on the side of his face, making Changmin giggle. A faint scent of baby powder wafts into Changmin's nose, he shakes his head affectionately. A celebrity music producer who still uses baby powder over cologne.

'And what exactly is that supposed to be?'

'Love, baby. My love.'

Changmin turns around in the other's embrace and locks his arms around the neck of the man he has loved for almost ten years. His muse. The man in almost all in his photographs, including the centrepiece of his exhibition. He laughs.

'Why do you want it when you have me?'

Yunho smiles and leans forward to brush another kiss on Changmin's forehead.

'So I will always remember 'la storia'. Of my path to romance. Of how I met you, and found my liberty.'

Changmin's eyes are bright and shimmering, the joint memory of that day in November, ten years ago encapsulated in that photograph behind them. He looks at Yunho, his partner, his lover, his best friend.

'I thought you wouldn't be coming tonight. Aren't you supposed to be working?'

'Yeah. But someone promised to keep U-Know in check and tonight, he can wait. Shim Changmin is the most important person to Jung Yunho and I promised to always be Jung Yunho when you need me to be. It's your 10th anniversary exhibition, Changdola. I wouldn't miss it for the world.'

Changmin feels his heart spring up in his chest. Beating, bursting full of joy and contentment. This is everything, everything that he had ever wanted. 10 years ago, he would not have foreseen he would be standing here, doing what he loved, with a supportive and capable partner by his side.

\---  
Loving and being loved in return. Sure, there were the fights, the turmoil, the pain. But nothing, nothing that could not be forgiven. The first year after that night at the club was difficult. Changmin had almost walked away several times, sick of being disappointed and neglected. Yunho had struggled to balance work and his relationship with Changmin too, over-promising, over-compensating.

It had almost been breaking point, until one night after one particularly brutal fight, Yunho had gone to the Han River for a walk and talked to Wise Man.

'Ah.' Wise Man had chuckled in between drags of his cigarette, fingers playing with the edge of the scarf that Yunho had given him on an earlier occasion. 'Don't you see? He's frustrated because you aren't there when he needs you to be. You, as in Jung Yunho, boyfriend of Shim Changmin.'

Yunho promised himself to visit Wise Man often, seeing that he could be utterly clueless at times.

\---  
Changmin cups Yunho's face in his hands and drops another long kiss on his lips tenderly. The swell of emotion that he feels at this- his exhibition, his success, and his love. The one chance he had given to Yunho all those years ago, still intact, now secure and wrapped up in concrete love and their bond. Against his lips, Changmin whispers the words that he has felt from the start; he says it in the language that holds a special place in their hearts.

'Yunho. Ti Amo.'

\---

_This piece is from the photographer's personal collection and is not for sale._   
_This is La Nostra Storia (Our Story)_

  
\---  
a/n: thank you. It has been a wonderful ride. I originally had a -bittersweet- ending for this but I needed some fluff in my life. This was my first serious and completed fanfic series. I hope you liked it.  
a/n2: i also hope you got the references: ten years, love and war, ti amo etc etc. ^^v  
Pic cr: story

\---  
Continues to -[ Body Rock ](http://xanster.livejournal.com/14310.html)\- (drabble)


	11. xanster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> La Storia was my first ever fanfic series and is completed but somehow, one day in December, a drabble appeared. It wasn't meant to be Ti Amo but it became Ti Amo. Can be read as a stand-alone.

His eyes scanned the crowd; fingers working the deck.  
The beat of the music moved the masses; bodies swaying; grinding.  
Strangers meeting; connecting and then leaving. Sometimes alone, sometimes with company.

What do you mean?

It had started more or less like most.  
A song of whispered promises and body rock; tonight I wanna make your body rock.

On a rare night off when he was not at work and was part of the people that sought release amidst the music; the heavy beats; the movements of the people. Whether hindered or helped by alcohol or sometimes a little something extra. Everyone on the floor, each searchin for their own bubble; albeit a temporary one.

He had been amongst the bodies when he had come up against a figure standing out against the crowd. The other was not really dancing but his head was tilted upwards, eyes closed as though in worship of the dj on the decks. God is a DJ, love is the music, you are the dancefloor.

And as the strobe light stroked over the other's upturned face; he watched and was mesmerised. Take my hand and free love; this is free love.

Maybe it was the night, the atmosphere, the alcohol or just plain horniness; he was not sure. Not even now. But the other drew him in like a magnet; like a moth to a flame.

Free love; this is free love. That's what we are made of.

He pulled up alongside the other's lean body and inhaled. A soft scent like white magnolia and something more.

Then the music changed; the beat pulsing through his veins. A music maestro himself, he automatically moved in line. Body rock; tonight I'll make your body rock.

Without realising, the crowd had parted for him, aware a master was in their space. Drops of sweat beaded along his forehead and slid slowly down his neck. His white shirt was unbuttoned; his tank top inside becoming more visible through the wet. He twirled and locked; popped and thrusted.

Honey. Funny. Bunny.

And then the drop. He opened his eyes and realised the stage he had been given. Panting, he turned to his side. And there he was, his Greek god. Watching him with dark eyes; pupils lit by the strobes.

The music changed and the crowd shifted back into the space they had vacated. Except the two of them; stopped and staring.

I've got rapture; I'm in deep. Would you like something other than me?

He slid in close; waiting. The other, slightly taller, lowered his head as if to cede. A tinge of shyness on the upturn of his lips.

He got bolder; pushed forward by the bass. Inviting. Hands on hips. Breath on neck. Fringe on cheek.

"Baby."  
Hi.  
You were amazing. How many people on the dancefloor do you think, want you now?  
I only care about whether one does.

Hips sliding in between; grinding. He turns the other in his arms- back to chest, hand placed on hipbones, a finger tracing down the V.

"You know I want you."

He lowers his head to the expanse of skin, inviting and tantalising. The smell of white magnolia, teasing. And he kisses; gently. A contrast to the drive for fucking in the air and people around.

A low moan calls for his attention and he moves his lips up to a sharp jawline; to the shell of a ear that turns red at his touch.

"Hey.  
I need you."  
The other pants.

"I need you too."  
Changmin turns his head to his lover and swallows his lips whole.

Baby, he gasps, feeling palms encircle his ass and squeeze.

He licks and sucks. Kisses and tongues. Refusing to part, whispering words of want against the other's breath, as they sway to the music.

"Let's go home, mi amor."  
Changmin nods, a final kiss for the road.  
Yunho turns him back, facing out with both hands back on his hips, as he walks Changmin out of the club.

People watch in envy; not realising the IT couple of the Korean showbiz industry, legendary music producer U-Know and the famous photographer, Shim Changmin had just been in their midst.


	12. Making Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the act of love-making is very much an act of worship. of dominance; of an emotional dance. of appreciation and of mutual completion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this happens after they leave the club; but can be read as a stand-alone. inspired by yoo young jin's collab with DO - tell me what is love. listen to it to set the mood~

Play another slow jam  
Tell me what is love

Eyes crinkling up into lines that tell of stories and experiences;  
I want to be in each and everyone of them.  
The pain; the joy.  
Colour me in your soul.

Can I watch you forever?

Down the bridge of your nose.  
Appreciating every inch of your beauty.

What are you doing here with a guy like me?

Sculptured cheekbones like marble carved from Michelangelo's hands.

How did I get so lucky?

Lips, full and soft.  
Mouth parted; I dive in.  
Tasting.  
Tonguing.  
Under my caress.

Addiction.

Neck like porcelein. Pulsing. Life. My life.  
The throat, marks. Mine. Licking.  
Raised in a upwards curve.

If I die tonight, it would be worth it.

Collarbones. I worship you.  
Seducing; tempting.  
I taste you and I want more.

Tell me what is love.

Your arms.  
Your chest  
Nipples.  
Rounded and perked up under my touch.

Hard. harder.

Abs.  
One by one.  
Let me trace each outline.  
One  
By  
One.  
With my tongue.  
I bite.  
Tantalising.

Hipbones.  
My desire.  
My anchor points.  
When your back is against my chest,  
I hold on; my lifeline.  
Each thrust, I hold on.

Let me in.

Your thighs.  
I find my way home.  
Diving.  
Into the deep.

Baby.

Your cock.  
The velvet skin.  
The roughness of the hair.  
Each line; each pulse.  
I swallow it all in.  
I worship you.

Tell me what is love.

Skin. All that skin.  
Bronzed. Smooth.  
My pathway to heaven; to eternity.  
Sucking.  
Licking.  
Kissing.  
Marking.

Mine; please be mine.

 

Yunho inhales; the depth of their love-making overwhelming.  
Under him, his lover; eyes half-lidded, pants softly.

Completion; coming to completion.  
Legs entangled; arms cradling.  
Arching up; open and receiving.  
Joined, pushing and giving.

That's what I see when I'm making love to you.

Changmin blinks.  
Emotion twirling around them; amongst the sheets and out the slightly open window.  
He flips them over and straddles his partner.

They stare into each other's eyes; sweat mingling. Yunho reaches up again just as Changmin dives down; mouths open and meeting.

Tell me what is love.  
Love is you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you were wondering - the first part is deliberately left vague as it is both what yunho and changmin are experiencing as they are making love.


End file.
